Computers, Cars and Technology

Kari, say thanks to your grandpa for this joke!

🙂

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For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up
with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy
a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you
could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have
to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only
five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation”
warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car.

10.You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Create Text Field FlashMX 106 (lets have fun!)

[as]
hDistance = 20;
vDistance = 0;
buttonsInfo = new Array(“About Us”, “Contact Us”, “Gallery One”, “Gallery Two”, “Gallery Three”, “Visual”, “Guest”, “Clients”, “Account”, “Search”);
textDesign = new TextFormat();
textDesign.font = “Arial”;
textDesign.size = 15;
textDesign.bullet = false;
textDesign.underline = true;
textDesign.url = “http://www.helmutgranda.com/”;
for (i =0;i<10;i++){
this.createTextField(“textHolder”+i, i, 120+(i*vDistance),120+(i*hDistance),100,19);
this[“textHolder”+i].text = buttonsInfo[i];
this[“textHolder”+i].border = true;
this[“textHolder”+i].borderColor = “0xaa”+i/2+i/2+i/2+i;
this[“textHolder”+i].html = true;
this[“textHolder”+i].selectable = false;
this[“textHolder”+i].textColor = “0xaa”+i*2+i*2+i*2+i;
this[“textHolder”+i].setTextFormat(textDesign);
}

[/as]

Create Text Fields FlashMX 105 (with Borders)


hDistance = 20
vDistance = 0
buttonsInfo = new Array("About Us", "Contact Us", "Gallery One", "Gallery Two", "Gallery Three", "Visual", "Guest", "Clients", "Account", "Search" )
for (i =0;i<10;i++){ this.createTextField("textHolder"+i, i, 120+(i*vDistance),120+(i*hDistance),100,19); this["textHolder"+i].text = buttonsInfo[i]; this["textHolder"+i].border = true; }

Create a Text Field FlashMX 104 (Add Array)


hDistance = 20
vDistance = 0

buttonsInfo = new Array("About Us", "Contact Us", "Gallery One", "Gallery Two", "Gallery Three", "Visual", "Guest", "Clients", "Account", "Search" )
for (i =0;i<10;i++){ this.createTextField("textHolder"+i, i, 120+(i*vDistance),120+(i*hDistance),100,19); this["textHolder"+i].text = buttonsInfo[i]; }

Kodak to drop 35 mm format in North America

Last Updated Wed, 14 Jan 2004 12:26:30

ROCHESTER, NY – The world’s biggest photography company is getting out of the reloadable 35 mm camera business in North America and Western Europe.

Eastman Kodak will also stop producing cameras that use Advanced Photo System film by the end of 2004. The company cites poor sales in that category.

APS cameras were introduced in 1996 and were seen as the biggest breakthrough in consumer photography since 35mm technology emerged in 1926. But it never lived up to expectations.

APS allows photographers to shoot a variety of picture sizes on the same roll of film.

Kodak’s decision to get out of the reloadable 35 mm camera business comes as sales of digital cameras in North America has surpassed sales of cameras that use film. But the company plans on expanding manufacturing in Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe, where the 35mm market is still growing rapidly.

CBC News

Smiles

Thanks to Ian S King for this smiles from [FlashLounge]

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🙂 Your basic smilie.

😉 Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark. More
of a “don’t hit me for what I just said” smilie.

🙁 Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is upset or
depressed about something.

:-I Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as good
as a happy smilie

:-> User just made a really biting sarcastic remark.

>:-> User just made a really devilish remark.

>;-> Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.

Those are the basic ones…Here are some somewhat less common ones:

(-: User is left handed

%-) User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight

:*) User is drunk

[:] User is a robot

😎 User is wearing sunglasses

B:-) Sunglasses on head

::-) User wears normal glasses

B-) User wears horn-rimmed glasses

8:-) User is a little girl

:-)-8 User is a BIG girl

:-{) User has a mustache

:-{} User wears lipstick

{:-) User wears a toupee

}:-( Toupee in an updraft

:-7 User just made a wry statement

:-[ User is a Vampire

:-E Bucktoothed vampire

:-F Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing

:-* User just ate something sour

:-)~ User drools

:-~) User has a cold

:’-( User is crying

:’-) User is so happy, s/he is crying

:-@ User is screaming

:-# User wears braces

:^) User has a broken nose

:v) User has a broken nose, but it’s the other way

:<) User is from an Ivy League School :-& User is tongue tied. =:-) User is a hosehead - - -:-) User is a punk rocker - - -:-( (real punk rockers don't smile) :=) User has two noses +-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office `:-) User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning ,:-) Same thing...other side |-I User is asleep |-O User is yawning/snoring :-Q User is a smoker 😕 User smokes a pipe O-) Megaton Man On Patrol! (or else, user is a scuba diver) O 🙂 User is an angel (at heart, at least) 😛 Nyahhhh! :-S User just made an incoherent statement 😀 User is laughing (at you!) :-X User's lips are sealed :-C User is reaally bummed <|-) User is Chinese <|-( User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes :-/ User is skeptical C=:-) User is a chef @= User is pro-nuclear war 😮 Uh oh! (8-o It's Mr. Bill! *:o) And Bozo the Clown! 3:] Pet smilie 3:[ Mean Pet smilie E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator :-9 User is licking his/her lips %-6 User is braindead [:-) User is wearing a walkman (:I User is an egghead <:-I User is a dunce>

@:-) User is wearing a turban

:-0 No Yelling! (Quiet Lab)

:-: Mutant Smilie

|.-) User only has one eye

,-) Ditto…but he’s winking

X-( User just died

8 🙂 User is a wizard

C=}>;*{)) Mega-Smilie… A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft,
a mustache, and a double chin

Note: A lot of these can be typed without noses to make midget smilies.

🙂 Midget smilie

:] Gleep…a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend